Eyes 2 Closed to Critics

Well, no surprise here: THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 makes its debut today without the benefit of press screenings, so there is no Tomato-meter rating at RottenTomatoes.Com.

Uncle Creepy at Dread Central did manage to score a screening, presumably because Fox Atomic Pictures thought anyone from that outlet would be a sympathetic audience. Unfortunately, the gambit did not pay off. Says the Creep:

• “I can’t even bring myself to say, drop in, turn your brain off and enjoy, as the material presented is just not anywhere near as entertaining as the first run.”

Doesn’t sound too promising, does it? But then I’m not sure why anyone would have had high hopes for a sequel to THE HILLS HAVE EYES.

UPDATE: Well, now I know why they didn’t show this bilge to critics. It’s less a sequel than a mechanical remake: wind up the old familiar toy and watch it run through its predictable action one more time, maybe with a splash of paint on the surface to make it look a little different.

This time its some National Guard troops on a training mission, instead of a family on a cross-country trip, but these soldiers even more vulnerable and incompetent than the civilians from the first film – and they’re too dumb to live, too.

Almost everything about this screams “quick buck cash-in!” There’s barely a hint of an attempt at relevance, with the National Guard troops preparing for the horrors of War in Iraq, then finding more than enough horror on the home front. The funny thing is that, after ninety minutes of portraying the Guard unit as incompetent idiots, there’s a self-serving apology in the closing credits, wherein producers Wes Craven, Marianne Maddalena, and Peter Locke praise the real-life troops overseas and express their hope that their mission will be worthy of their sacrifice. Though perhaps sincere, the message is laughably ridiculous when appended to this film.